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Apostate Angel

"...And you say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me, baby
Just as I am
Just as I am..."
"Just As I Am" 
by Air Supply

Chapter 1

As soon as Daniel reached their quarters, Casey pushed away from himhe put her feet on the floor. She began pacing, constantly glancing at one corner of the room; occasionally shaking her head and mumbling that she was trying. She looked at him, her eyes full of fear and apprehension. Both emotions worried him. If she was this upset, then it…whatever 'it' was…must be something troubling. The fear bothered him the most. He wondered briefly if somehow she had remembered being on PR3 291, remembered him hitting her, beating her, thus the fear of telling him whatever it was she had been instructed to tell him. He shook himself mentally. No, Dr. Montigue had told him that those memories had been stored in the nanobots that invaded her system. He wasn't sure how the man knew that, but it served to ease his conscious about what he had done. Even though he couldn't actually remember hitting her, memories of her sweet, beautiful face covered with numerous, ugly bruises were easily enough recalled, and haunted him.

She was still pacing, her arms wrapped around her slender frame almost as a form of protection against whatever was happening. She wasn't even aware of doing it. The words, this new knowledge, kept rolling around in her mind, over and over like a recording. How was she supposed to tell him this? Didn't they understand that Daniel hated that man? Okay, maybe 'hate' was too strong a word. Dislike, certainly. Very strong dislike. Then again, after what had happened on Tantaline, maybe hate was the right word. Oh, goddess, he was going to just flip out! He was going to be furious!

"Casey, what is going on?" he asked, a slight frown on his face.

She looked at him, shook her head, continued to pace. Oh, to be a linguist, to be able to find the right words to tell him what he was not going to want to hear!

Daniel stepped in front of her, put his hands on her shoulders. "Case?" She put her hands on his chest, at first he thought she was going to push him away. Instead, she stepped into his embrace, laid her head on his shoulder. His arms went around her, pulled her close. His heart was pounding. Something was wrong. Very wrong. "Angel, please, tell me."

She nodded, led him to the bed. She sat down, tugged his hand until he was sitting beside her. She struggled for a few more seconds, still searching for the words to use, then sighed. "Do you believe in Guardian Angels?"

"Not really."

She frowned. Glanced at the corner of the room. "It would certainly help if you would just give him a glimpse!"

He looked into the corner, saw nothing. "Casey, who are you talking to?"

"You must not tell him of us," the First warned.

"Yeah, that part I understand very well," Casey retorted, frustration in her voice. She looked back at her husband. "I'm not crazy, Daniel, really I'm not. I'm just…not allowed…to say."

His frown deepened. His heart was beginning to ache. Sudden fear gripped him as his mind worked on the puzzle before him. Oh, god! No! She had said that they didn't want to take her from him. But that didn't mean they weren't trying to convince her to make the decision to go with them. "Casey, you're not leaving me, are you? Moving on…Ascending, or something like that? Angel, I need you, I can't live without you! What about Emmie and Nicholas? They need you! If not for me, stay for them!"

She smiled, wrapped her hands around his face and kissed him, touching his lips with hers, caressing the worry from his mind with her own. She slowly pulled away from him. "No, My Heart, nothing like that! It's just…well…they've given me some information…and you have to know about it. It's very important…but Daniel, I don't know how to tell you!"

"Just tell me, Case."

She nodded, took a deep breath. Refused to look in his eyes. "Wade Michaels is your brother."

He stared at her. How could a man born on another planet, to different parents, be his brother? Granted, the man could be his twin in the looks department, but still! He shook his head. "That's ridiculous. It's also impossible."

She glanced into the corner.

"You have the truth, he must know," the First said softly. The Second and Third exchanged worried glances.

"Do you remember the day your parents were killed?" she asked softly.

Pain filled his eyes. "You know I do!"

"Do you remember the few days before that happened?"

He thought back, sorted through memories. "No, not clearly anyway."

Casey began to run her fingers up and down his chest, toying with the buttons on the shirt he was wearing, watching her fingers. "Daniel, your mother was pregnant. Not very far along, only about three weeks actually. With Wade."

"Then how in the hell did he manage to be born on a different planet to different parents?"

Another deep breath. "Before she died, your mother's…Guardian Angel…took the embryo. She hid it, and when she was given a new 'assignment', a woman who had been trying for years to get pregnant, she…implanted it. Wade's parents were never aware of the fact that he wasn't really theirs, even though he looked so different from them, had blue eyes rather than brown."

This was the most outrageous thing he had ever heard…he shook his head. "I don't believe it."

"You must show him!" she begged, looking into that corner again. "If it's so damned important that he know this, then you tell him!"

The First studied the young woman, understood her distress. Shook her head slowly. "It cannot be. However, I will see if I can arrange a visit from her. She has been an outcast for many years. I do not know if I can find her."

"Well, you'd better try!" Casey insisted. She looked back at Daniel, finally looked up at his face, saw the questions in his eyes. "I can't tell you, Daniel. They're taking a risk even talking to me! But you needed to know. We'll go get Wade, have a DNA test done-"

"Angel, I have no doubt that you're talking to someone. I picked up a faint glow while we were on the bridge. But I don't believe this is true. I just…can't!" He thought about Wade being his brother. That was bad enough, but to consider that it was his brother in that pleasure house who was making love to his wife…no, that's not what Wade had been doing. He made love to Casey. Wade had just been…fucking…her. And that was too damned much to deal with!

She dropped back on the bed, tears in her eyes, her arms wrapped around her slender body once again. "I can't do this! I can't!"

Daniel looked at her, then the corner. "Leave her alone, can't you see what you're doing to her?" He pulled her up, gently pushed her head against his shoulder. She put her arms around his waist. They sat that way for several long minutes. He let his fingers play through her hair, felt her relax a little bit.

"Daniel, did your mother promise you ice cream as soon as they were finished with getting the display set up?"

He jerked slightly, his hand stopped moving through her hair. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I do remember her telling me that if I was a good boy, and stayed out of the way, that we'd get ice cream." He knew that there was no way he'd told her that; until that very moment he'd forgotten it.

She felt his body tense beneath her cheek. She pulled away from him, looked into troubled blue eyes. "Daniel, you have to believe me. This is the truth. I…I know it is."

He shook his head. "No. No! It can't be." He pushed away from her, stood to his feet. "It can't be!" he repeated, before he disappeared out the door. 

He practically ran down the corridor, not knowing exactly where he was going. He felt her reach for him. No…he didn't want her touching him…didn't want her to feel this…pain. He was angry. Confused. But mostly angry. Why would she tell him something like this? She loved him, that's why! She'd stood there on the bridge and begged for them to go rescue…him. Don't be stupid, his brain screamed at him. What did you talk about on Alteria, in between the times she was making love with you, to you? Okay, so maybe she didn't love him. Was still…afraid…of him. Afraid of what he represented, anyway. Good, his brain said, you were listening to her after all.

His feet led him to the place where Casey had gone when she had been hurting so badly. He looked around the empty bay. He smiled when he thought about the aerobics workout she had taught him …the smile faded when he remembered why they had been fighting. The nightmare that she'd had. His thoughts suddenly turned to the woman he loved. And oh god, he loved her! With all that he was. Oh, hell, what was this doing to her? She had…had been…come on, bucko, say it. Your Wife was being fucked by your brother. No! No! That's not true! He's not my brother! And even if he was…is…she didn't know what was going on! She was a victim in all of this! It's my screw-up that caused all her pain, he thought wildly. He leaned back against the wall, slid down, pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. It was a lie. It had to be a lie. Wade Michaels is not my brother! he thought desperately. He's not! He shook his head, as if trying to rid it of this…knowledge. Casey wouldn't make something like this up. She wouldn't lie to him. He knew that. Right now it was the only certainty he had about any of this… mess.


A  A  A  A  A  A


Casey closed her eyes. She reached out to him, only to find that he was blocking her…completely. She turned to the three Beings that she could sense, and barely see, in the far corner. "Now what?"

"He must come to terms with this on his own. However, your love, your comfort will be greatly needed," replied the First.

"I don't know how I can give those things if he's blocking me. I have a feeling that if I go after him right now, he'll only push me away," she said softly

"Go anyway. You are His Chosen. He needs you," the Second said, just as softly.

With a barely perceptible nod, Casey got off of the bed and went in search of her husband. He continued to block her, so she had to search every place she could think of. Finally she thought about the empty cargo bay where she exercised. He was there, sitting with his back to the wall, his head back, his eyes closed.


A  A  A  A  A  A


God! How screwed up was this anyway? His wife fucking his brother. No, that wasn't exactly true, was it? She had been so stoned she hadn't know what was happening to her. Okay, his brother had been fucking his wife. That was even worse! Besides, that…bastard…couldn't be his brother. No way! His mind continued to recoil from that thought.

She stood near the door, unsure of what his reaction would be to her presence. He wasn't just shocked, he was angry. She shuddered when she realized that this meant that she had…she had been in the arms of his…his brother. He wouldn't be able to forgive that! For a few moments she fought down the panic…the fear…the pain…that swelled up and completely overwhelmed her. Oh, god, he was so angry at her! Had every right to be angry at her! If only she hadn't drank that damned wine! When she heard the name of the pleasure house owner, she should have known what was going to happen!

Daniel opened his eyes enough to see her. He had sensed her come into the room, well, almost come into the room. She was standing in the doorway, arms wrapped tightly around her slender waist, her eyes wide and haunted. She looked as if she were ready to bolt if he so much as breathed wrong. "It's okay, you can come in," he said softly.

She swallowed. No pet names. Not even her given name. He was pulling away from her…mentally, emotionally, and physically. Her heart was breaking. The part of her that sought self-protection began to pull away from him. "I don't want to disturb you if you'd rather be alone." Her voice was soft, and full of regret.

He shook his head. "I don't know what I want right now. Yes, yes, I do. I want the past hour to not have happened."

She glanced down at the floor, then back at him. The look on his face had her looking back at the floor again. "I'm sorry. They…I…I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll leave you alone. I know you have a lot…" her voice caught on a sob, "a lot to think about." She turned to walk away.

"I need you, Angel," he said softly.

"I'm here, Daniel," she whispered. She didn't move from the doorway. He was still blocking her. She could still see the anger in his face.

"Why? Why tell me now?"

"I don't know, Daniel. All I know is that I saw…them…sort of…for the first time on the bridge just a couple of hours ago. Just before they dropped this into my head."

He opened his eyes. She still looked as if she were ready to take off running. He knew that look in her eyes. She was afraid. Oh, god was she afraid of him? Did she remember the beatings? Now was terrified that his anger would result in more of the same? He groaned. He had battered her - heart, mind, body, and soul - and yet there she stood, ready, willing to do whatever he asked of her. He reached out to her, caressed her, felt her fear, her worry…her love. He smiled when he felt her gentle caress, as familiar to him now as when her hands moved over his body. And just as welcome, just as comforting.

She smiled when she felt him, reached out and caressed him in return. She held tightly to that feeling, to that love, a part of her unsure how many more times she would experience it.

"Love you, Angel," he whispered.

"Love you, Sweetheart," she walked slowly toward him.

He held out his hand, grateful when she took it and sat down beside him. She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm not angry at you," he said.

She gave a small, sad smile. "Yes, you are. At least a little bit."

He shook his head. "A few minutes ago, maybe. Now? No. I understand that your…gift…is why they chose to talk to you."

"That's not what I was referring to," she said softly.

"I know what you were talking about," he replied. "I'm not angry with you, Angel."

"I don't understand why they decided that you needed to know now…unless-" She closed her eyes. "Geb took him, Daniel. Wade has been infested with that bastard!"

He shuddered. For a brief time he had had Anubis in him. It hadn't been a pleasant thing, wasn't a memory he liked to dwell on. He could well imagine the horror of having a Goa'uld inside him. Which wasn't pleasant to think about, either.

"He's still coming after you," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "Geb wants Daniel Jackson, so that he can use him…you…to destroy SG-1, and the SGC colonies with it." She opened her eyes, shivered so violently that she moved him.

He put his arm around her, pulled her close. "He can come after us, Angel, but he won't get us. Every damned Goa'uld we've taken out has wanted us dead. They haven't succeeded yet."

She shifted until she was sitting in his lap. She rested her forehead against his. "Is it so much harder to believe that Wade is your brother, born of a surrogate mother, than to believe that I'm an Immortal with Ancient genes, created by the First Race of Immortals, who were created by the Ancients, with Oma, who was your teacher among the Ascended, as my cousin? I mean, if you want something that's hard to believe, my family ties go a lot farther to fry the brain than yours do!"

He smiled. He chuckled. He laughed. "You have a point, Angel."

"They…they said that they would try to find her…the…Guardian, they said Angel doesn't really fit, but the Guardian who watched after your mother, and who took Wade."

"Why didn't her Guardian try to save her?" he asked.

"I don't know, Daniel. I wish I had all of the details for you. All I know is what I've told you." She kissed his jaw. "I’m so sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry for what?"

"Hurting you. I know this…hurts," she replied softly.

He pulled her tighter against him. "You have no reason to be sorry, Case."

I have ample reason to be sorry, she thought sadly. She had hurt him in the worst way, and this news only compounded…added insult…to that injury. Her first priority was to make sure that he was all right. She would focus on him, until…until he no longer needed her, or wanted her. "So, now what?"

Daniel sighed. "Now we go talk to the team. And go try and rescue my…brother."

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